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The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you fill follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.” Inside the room you will find your wife sitting on a chair…Kill her!!! The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife. ” The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for the job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. “This gun is loaded with blanks” she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them!!

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A blonde and her husband were lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s  dog. It had been in the backyard and barking for hours and hours. The blond jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this.” She goes downstairs.

The blond finally comes back up to bed  and her husband says “The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?” The blond says “I’ve put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how they like it.”

His request was approved and he used his cell phone to call the local county airport to charter a flight. He was told a single-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, “Let’s go!”

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and roared down the runway. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, “Fly over the valley and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures of the fires on the hillsides.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.
“Because I’m a photographer for CNN,” he responded. “And I need to get some close-up shots.”

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally, he stammered, “So, what you’re telling me, is you’re NOT my flight instructor???”